Happy New Year!

Its a new year.

Its a new day.

Its a new me.

Just kidding. Its not really a new me... same old same old. I just stole all that cheesy stuff from a Weight Watchers commercial. (You know, the one with Jennifer Hudson? Oh my she looks fantastic!) I don't really see the need for new years resolutions because nothing ever actually gets done. Every year I tell myself "This year I will get all A's in math!", "This year I will exercise every day!" or "This year I will eat healthy!" and guess what. Every year I massively fail. I get C's in math and even the thought of running gives me the chills. I baked a cake yesterday.... the whole thing mysteriously disappeared last night.

FAT.

So I've given up on setting goals for myself because I know that if I set myself up to fail, even the smallest amount of succeeding will make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

You may be wondering why I'm blogging again. Well, I was sitting in church this morning and I had a revelation. How ironic is that? I have many revelations in church because its just 3 hours of me sitting down either sleeping or thinking of random crap while trying not to sleep in front of Jesus. And no, none of my revelations are actually religious which is probably very bad. I realized that alot of the racing thoughts in my head would actually be considered interesting to some strange people so I decided to blog again. I also figured that since it is 2011 and we do only have like 2 years left to live, I might as well live it up! (Is it sad that blogging is my form of living it up? Because I feel as though it is.) I mean, I also intend on doing other amazingly fun stuff, but right now I'm just happy that I actually accomplished one of my "goals"! Now all I have to do is actually study for my exams and I'm set!

Hopefully 2011 doesn't massively suck!

~Nia

It's Been a While...

Not gonna lie, its been a while. I know some of you guys out there are either dying or dead because my blog is the sole reason that you live. I understand. Its an necessity like food, water, and drank (And no I didn't misspell the word "drink". It's drank which is a necessity of life. Legit man). So in order to get back into the swing of things I will do a post, about another necessity of life:

GIRL SCOUT COOKIES

Yeah its that time again. The best freaking time of the year! The time of the year when cute little 6 year olds come door to door (the fact that this makes me so excited realllly makes me sound like a pedophile) selling sweet treats. NOTHING beats a girl scout cookie. Absolutely NOTHING. Forget rainbows and jesus, tagalongs were God's gift to the world! See right now I'm all warm and cozy with my samoas and snuggie. Right now life is good. But once these babies are gone.... oh man things just go downhill. I'm like a crack addict with this stuff. If I don't have my fix I go crazy, flip out randomly, and start twitching. Its like its my time of the month allllll the time...except I don't twitch then. That would just be a bit weird. To prevent this from happening I stocked up! I got a whole stash that I've hidden from the family. I say this as though it is pot or something, but seriously this is my drug. I'm addicted to girl scout cookies (the first step is admitting the problem). Someone seriously needs to take me to cookie rehab. I'm like the cookie monster minus the crack eyes and blue fur. I ate 2 whole boxes yesterday by myself! I need some serious help. They have only been selling them for like a week and my stash is already running low. I went from 10 to 3 in just 4 days. Thats just not right. And I really don't think I'd be a good parent because if I'm on a craving I'd seriously sell my kid in a heartbeat just for one box of Thin Mints which are like the butt of all cookies. It's just that bad.

But you know what I realized? In these cookie's off season, they are harder to acquire than illegal stuff. Think about it man.... but since obviously I'm the badass expert of all illegal things (I have experience in this particular area... i wish) I will help explain this theory. Or just show you this little chart:

Ok so i didn't exactly create this theory by myself, but I will still take credit for this amazing discovery.

In Summary:

Sorry for such a late post.

Girl Scouts= World's tiniest dealers

What a G

~Nia

Black History Month

Lately have you been hearing random facts about black people everywhere you go?

Have you been experiencing documentaries about black people being on t.v?

Have the black people around you been surprisingly happy?

You might just be suffering from....

BLACK HISTORY MONTH!

Ohhh its the best time of the year. When people actually kind of care about important black people. Unfortunately this year the amazing month of blackness has been overshadowed! Unless you listen to the black radio stations or watch the black tv stations or read the black magazines (wow black people have a lot of stuff....) then you probably aren't being bombarded with the importance of black people! See this important time of the year is being pushed to the side by THE WINTER OLYMPICS!

Its actually quite sad. All of the black facts that they used to say on the radio have been replaced with "olympics updates" and every black documentary replaced with stupid things like curling (really how is curling even a sport? Only weird Canadians do it). Gosh olympics! Just cuz you come around once ever 4 years doesn't mean you are any more special than black history month! We black people need our time to shine! And we only ask for one chapter about the civil rights movement in history books and one month of the year (being extra generous the shortest freaking month of the year! we could of been selfish and asked for like December! but we black people are nice and considerate!) to let America know that they should be appreciative of us! White people have like every other month of the year and also every other chapter of the history books. So suck it up and stop complaining about how we have a whole month to ourselves.

To bring back the glory of the month of February I will give you some black facts so that you will not forget this vital time of year!

RANDOM BLACK FACTS

In 1872 Thomas J Martin patented the fire extinguisher. BAM! Without black people everyone would perish in fires. Be thankful.

In 1897 Alfred L Cralle invented the ice cream scooper. BAM! If you like ice cream you thank black people.

The banjo originated in Africa! That is a shocker! I'm actually kinda sad that we brought it along with us from Africa.... maybe if we left it in our homeland there would be no annoying banjo-filled country music today.

I bet these black facts will come in handy sometime in your future! And when they do you will come running back to me thanking me for all of this useless information (cuz we black people are helpful!). So now that you know more about black people you should do something to help celebrate this wonderful time of year. Show a black person that you care by giving then a bucket of fried chicken! Or if they are like me and despise the stuff then bake your neighborhood black person (if your neighborhood is anything like mine then there is just one black family in the whole neighborhood) a chocolate cake. But remember its BLACK history month so don't go giving them yellow cake. This isn't the month to celebrate Asians, you guys can have like April! (I believe that they need a month of celebration too!)

Happy Black History Month!

~Nia

Valentine's Day.... CAN DIE!

Oh Valentine's day. You're one of the worst days of the year for me. If you are a holiday about love then why do you cause me so much pain? I mean its the one day of the year that I am reminded of my complete loneliness! I have no valentine! No lover, no honey, no sweetheart, no sugarpie, no pookie, no boo, not even a snuggle bunny to share the love with! And on this dreaded valentine's day everywhere I go I am reminded of the fact that I am nobody's sugar lamb! There is no escaping the love on this holiday! I go to the mall

BAM! There are couples PDA-ing like there is no tomorrow! (why do people do this? no one wants to see you "get it on" in public). I go to get something to eat

BAM! Couples having little "romantic" dates while sharing spaghetti like in Lady and the Tramp! You know what couples? You can just SUCK IT! I hope your "better half" has like mouth herpes! And when you get mouth herpes too I will just laugh! Because thats karma for having a boyfriend when I don't have one!

Even when I turn the t.v. on its all mushy, gushy, shows about "secret valentine's" or other lovey dovey crap! And don't even get me started on radios! I could write a whole freaking dissertation on that jank. But valentine's day isn't even a real holiday! It was just made by some card company so that for one day of the year people would actually give a crap and buy cards. And the "holiday" isn't even awesome. For a lot of people its bittersweet! This holiday explains why so many people have November birthdays. Think about it.....

Summary:

Valentine's Day Sucks.

And couples can SUCK IT.

Have a crappy Valentine's Day! :)

~Nia

(but you know who doesn't suck? and doesn't have to suck it? Farrell!)

Jimmy's Birthday!

Today is a special day. Why is it so special? Because 15 years ago on this exact day God gave us one of the most extraordinary people on the planet.... well maybe not most extraordinary. I mean that would be Chuck Norris hands down. But more like 2nd most extraordinary (sorry, but there is no beating the Chuck. Its just not possible). Ok so the 2nd most extraordinary person came down down from the heavens 15 years from this day! Can you guess who it is?

Jimmy C

Wanna know why Jimmy is so plain awesome? He is a bright man and he gave me an amazing idea. If you know me then you probably know that my one goal in life is to be famous and have a movie made of my life. I don't really care what kind of movie it is. Preferably one directed by James Cameron because he would probably turn me into a badass blue person, but even Lifetime would be cool (but to be on lifetime I would need to have a really depressing life because lifetime is depressing as hell, but also so irresistible!). See Jimmy created a way so that I could reach stardom, which is my one and only dream... other than brain surgeon. But i doubt people will trust me with their craniums, they say I have a"too short attention span" to operate for 2 hours. Pshh I have no idea what they are talking about. Jimmy told me to do event blogs to all my fans! Isn't he quite the genius? The blog topics would be like: Happy Birthday Jonathan H! or Happy Arbor Day Amanda! Or Sorry Keith its not your kid! (that would totally make this blog like the web equivalent of Maury! which is amazing!). He figures that doing this will increase my blog's popularity, which also increases my chances for a movie deal.

And in this movie about my life Jimmy's character will be one of the main characters because he is just that darn influential in my life! He will be played by one of my favorite actors ever; Michael Cera. And if it is directed by James Cameron he too will be a badass blue person. But Jimmy already has the badass down. All he needs is the blue.

Jimbo. You are Awesome.

~Nia

P.S. Sorry its really long and ADD. I guess this proves that I really do have a short attention span....

Its DGG's BIRTHDAY!

Dalton G is a fantastic person. Luckily I am bffs with this girl, because if I wasn't I don't know what I would do. Probs lose my mind (she uses probs all the time!). What? You don't believe how awesome she is? Well go look up amazing in the dictionary. BAM! There is a picture of Dalton! See Dalton is so magnificent that when I want to say things are awesome I don't say "Oh look thats so cool!" or "Oh look thats freaking awesome!" I say "Oh look thats so Dalton!". I say that because Dalton is the definition of freaking awesome. And because Dalton is so.... well Dalton, I believe that we should have a holiday in her honor on the day of her birth (which was the best day of my life even though I wasn't born yet). On this world holiday we should:

• Get out of school (already covered!)
• Be required to wear a mustache for the whole day
• Worship all the field hockey players in the world
• Be required to listen to Dave Matthews Band all day
• Have John Mayer visit Dalton's house..... shirtless
• And everyone should have to ditch little miniscule words for smart intuitive ones!

This would definitely be the best world holiday ever. Oh excuse me, this world holiday would be so Dalton!

I love you Dalton :)

~Nia

P.S. You didn't have to tell me to do a post about your birthday! I was gonna do one anyway and surprise you!

Super Bowl Time!

Ohhh Super Bowl. Many many boys and girls may obsess over you, but I am not one of them. This may sound like a stereotypical girl's view, but I don't even understand football. Watching a bunch of guys slowly knock themselves into unconsciousness is not a fun time! And also, the sport is not manly! Its almost as feminine as wrestling (A bunch of sweaty guys hugging each other on the ground in leotards? How in the world is that manly?). Guys say football is very tough and manly and it takes balls to do it. I do not agree! For instance, take the "tackle". Pshhhh tackling is just an extreme form of hugging. It gives guys an excuse for excessive contact with another guy and also gives them a chance to cuddle. And when players slap each others butts when they get off the field? Oh gosh I think you get the point.

Also, I don't get the fun in the sport. How is slowly getting pounded into a coma fun? I just don't understand! And watching it is even worse. Its so boring. Some guys say they like watching it because its violent. Football isn't freaking violent! It would be so much more entertaining if it was! See if they took away the pads, light the ball on fire, equip each player with a switchblade, and throw in a couple of tigers then maybe I would care about if the Colts or the Saints will win. But for know I'm just to ADD to sit through a whole football game (they are freaking LONG!). But these are just my opinions and I'm sure that no one else in the world agrees with them. Because if we did then football would not be America's sport, field hockey would.

~Nia